I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
