Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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