dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
