I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize