We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
