I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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