my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
