I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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