lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
