I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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