It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
