You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
