wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
