I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
