ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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