Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
