They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize