I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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