out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
