he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize