If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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