My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
