All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
