ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
