he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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