i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
