I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
