After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
