Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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