she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
