dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
