i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
