just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
