I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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