His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
