i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
