You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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