my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
