I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
