alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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