apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
