What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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