went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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