11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
