yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
