just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize