4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Randomize
