Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
