Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We got so high we made milksteak
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
