You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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