So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
