If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
