Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just pee around me
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
