I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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