I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
