"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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