I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
