Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
