I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
