They should really pass out barf bags in church
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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