My room smells like vodka and shame
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
