so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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