Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
