It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
