I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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