New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
