we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
