Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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