I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
